By: Phoebe Piserchio; Staff Writer

Dear The Thunderbolt,

I’ve been having this recurring nightmare every night for the past few weeks. It starts off with a bowl of grapes laying an egg. It then hatches into Alvin (the chipmunk) eating a rotten apple before turning into a sesame bagel. But that’s not even the worst part. At the end, the bagel gets eaten by a giant raven. This terrifies me so much because birds aren’t real –obviously! (They are secret hidden cameras for the government used for surveillance). Anyways, what does this mean? Is the government trying to kidnap my family? I need answers. Sincerely, Your Local Birdwatcher.

Hey there,Your Local Birdwatcher! 

Thanks for sending in this question. We’re sorry you’ve been losing so much sleep, and we hear your distress. While your nightmare may have many interpretations, we believe we have the answer. Let us lay it out for you. The bowl of grapes clearly symbolizes yourself. Laying an egg indicates a new beginning, while the chipmunk represents success and prosperity. Unfortunately, the rotten apple means whatever your initial plan is for your future will not work out so well. Don’t worry, though, because the sesame bagel is a sign of something better that will come afterwards. You have nothing to fear about the raven because it merely symbolizes that we as a society are all part of a simulation controlled by the government, in keeping with your theory. Of course, your dream could also mean that you’ve been binging the Alvin and the Chipmunks film series and going to bed on an empty stomach. Either way, your family is completely safe. We recommend you have a healthy snack and perhaps take some melatonin to help you fall asleep. Hope these are helpful for you.

–

Dear The Thunderbolt,

Recently, I’ve been facing some struggles with my love life. I’m a current freshman at Mills and, well, my girlfriend broke up with me. I’m not exactly sure what I did to upset her, but she texted me last night (yes, texted!) 

“Hey, I’m not sure how to tell you this, but I’m just not feeling it anymore. I think we should break up. It’s nothing that you did, but I think I need to focus on myself for a little while”.

But here’s the kicker. I heard from one of my friends that she’s been texting my best friend behind my back since she broke up with me. I don’t know how to feel. I can understand “losing feelings” but how can she move on so fast? What should I do? Sincerely, Confused teenager.

Hey there, Confused teenager!

We completely get it. After consulting as a class about your dilemma, we empathize with your predicament. Getting broken up with over text is never a good feeling. I have a feeling your girlfriend is pulling the old “it’s not you, it’s me” with you. Whether or not she was honest with you with her break up text, I bet that what you felt from that was nothing compared to hearing about her and your “best friend”. Our advice? Go dig and find out more about their so-called relationship. Were they really going behind your back, or were they just talking? Maybe getting some answers will help you in the long run to have some closure. But, just to ground you back in reality, you’re a freshman. You’re most likely somewhere around 14 or 15 years old. You have your whole high school experience and life ahead of you. Just think about this break up as a positive. You’ll learn so much more from this and be able to move on. You have so many more years ahead of you to find someone else and not dwell onto this moment anymore. Sure, being broken up with (through text, no less) is a painful and emotionally draining experience. But, to look on the positive side, she was probably not the right fit for you. You deserve to be happy and for that to happen you need to think about what you want for yourself, whether that’s staying single or finding “the one”. And at the end of the day remember: you’re a high schooler. This incident will be a small mark in a long roll of memories. 

–

Dear The Thunderbolt,

I’m a junior and this is going to be my first prom at Mills. Problem is, I don’t have a date. I don’t have a boyfriend or anything that I could go with and all my guy friends are already accounted for. I don’t want to be that one girl without a date there. How odd will I look, especially if all of my friends in the group I’m going with already have dates. I’ll be the odd one out. Is there any way out of this predicament? Should I just not go? I really would like to go experience prom but if there’s no way out of looking like an idiot alone, then I would be willing to sacrifice it. Sincerely, Worried Willow.

Hey there, Worried Willow!

There is truly nothing that feels worse than feeling like an odd duckling in the middle of a pack of perfect swans. We would suggest exhausting ALL of your options first. Maybe ask around to see if every single one of your friends truly do already have dates. Maybe through your search you’ll become aware of someone who you may not be close to, but is in the same boat as you and would be willing to go with you. If not, then the other solution you could consider is going with a different group. Even if you really want to go with your current planned group, if everyone already has a date and you can’t secure one, then you should find a better environment. Remember, at the actual prom itself you’ll be able to interact with everyone. Try your hand at finding another group of friends that are going without dates and just collectively with each other. It may not be what you want the most, but it’s a better solution than feeling left out and awkward. Good luck!

–

Dear The Thunderbolt,

I’m worried about what will happen once my brother graduates this year and becomes a freshman next year. I don’t like the idea of going to the same school as him. I’m going to be a senior next year and all I can think about is him embarrassing me. He’s an immature brat most of the time and it’s only going to affect me now that we’re on the same campus. My friends will probably tease me about him since he’s such an embarrassment. And I’ll have to see him in the halls when I go to all my classes. I already want to see him as little as possible so the thought of having to see him everywhere now is like my worst nightmare. What can I do to deal with this? Sincerely, Sister of a Brat.

Hey there, Sister of a Brat!

We can surely sympathize with your current situation. After consulting with several of our staff members about their experiences with the exact same issue, here is what we have gathered. As a senior you’ll have less contact than you think with your freshman year brother. Your schedules will never align (unless you somehow decide to take the same elective). Generally freshmen will stick to themselves and walk in a pack. Once you figure out each other’s schedules, you can find a way to make sure your paths never cross. As for them being an embarrassment… well there’s not much you can do about that. Honestly, at the end of the day freshmen will be freshmen. They’ll all be immature at the start of high school. All you can hope is that he’ll mature with time. On the other hand, as a senior you should treasure the last year you have with him. Soon you’ll most likely be off to college and you won’t see him as much anymore. Many writers with the paper have expressed the same sentiments. After their older siblings left for college or the workforce after high school their relationships were never the same. They were never as close as they were beforehand. So, however you feel right now, take some time to reflect on what you want your relationship with your brother to be. You don’t want to graduate high school and move on with any regrets. Try to see eye to eye and at the very least tolerate each other. The difference in maturity might get in the way, but there’s always a way to establish a friendlier relationship before, frankly, it becomes too late.