By: Thunderbolt Editors
Dear Editor,
There’s this senior baddie in my AP Physics
but they never notice me since
I sit in the back. How do I ask them out? (The
huzz is in my 3rd period by the way.)
As you’re two years younger than your crush, they
probably don’t share the same feelings with you, much
less even know you exist. To get them to like you back
though, try building up your relationship with them
by leaving anonymous gifts of chocolates, flowers,
and passionate poems in their locker. Eventually, just
mail these sweet treats to their home! Soon enough,
they’ll become so enamored by your acts of kindness,
that they won’t even care that you’re a sophomore <3
Dear Editor,
Last week my best friends got into one of the
most horrific fights I’ve EVER witnessed. Now,
I’m in the middle of it all and have no idea
what to do. how can I bring back peace in our
friend group!?
Like any good friend, I imagine you just want to
help your besties, but in all honesty, just let the
conflict settle itself. Pretend that everything’s
fine and just play dumb. When they come for help
or to complain about one another, try saying, “you
sound crazy”, “are you sure?”, or even “huh”. Like
you, they’ll eventually forget what happened. As I
often say, ignorance is bliss!
Dear Editor,
I’m failing all my classes because I can’t
stop playing Block Blast. Gotta make this
quick BTW…I’m in the middle of a game rn.
I almost beat my high score! Anyway, what
should I do?
In your best interest, it’d be best to step away
from Block Blast. . . and try a different game! A
personal favorite of mine is Roblox. The best
part is that you can be anything on Roblox like
a therapist, barista, or model! With the endless
options of career choices in-game, you don’t even
have to pay attention in class anymore. So while
you may still be failing all your classes, at least
you have a job to clock into at the end of the day!
Dear Editor,
As you may know, we’ve had, like, a million
fire drills in the past month. Between you and
me, I’m the problem! Every time I try to vape, I
accidentally set off the alarms. I was wondering
if you had any advice for me on how to avoid
Hi Helpless Harold. Thanks for bringing this to
our attention. So actually, we’re pretty worried
about you right now…how are your lungs? Vaping
is really bad for your body, and the best solution
for this is to stop. Hope this helps <3
Dear Editor,
So college decision season is getting me down. I
got REJECTED from my dream school 🙁 How can I
convince them to take me in!?!!???
Chances are your loved ones are currently telling
you “rEjeCtiOn iS reDiReCtioN”; but ignore them! To
really impress the admissions office, assert your
dominance and personally contact them. I recommend
emailing an admissions officer and if they don’t
respond after the next five emails, try visiting their
house! Google exists for a reason. You may think your
dream school doesn’t want you, but in reality they’re
just playing hard to get.
Dear Editor,
I have a HUGE crush on someone. They’re tall, kind,
brave, loves to wear hats, and has an axe (by the
way, it’s the Viking). What should I do? They’re so
popular and there’s always a huge crowd around
them. I just get lost in those big black beady eyes…
Assuming you’re talking about our mascot. . . I’m not
sure about that one. To get over your little crush,
just ask yourself, “When was the last time that
suit was washed?” And if that doesn’t work, there’s
always therapy!
