By: Zhiyuan Ma; Staff Writer
The Mills administration announced on March 24th that due to safety complaints from parents, all sports that employ balls will now be played with stuffed animals instead. This sudden change has prompted mixed reactions, garnered the attention of international media, and even initialized a lawsuit.
The movement started when Anna Pesley, parent of a freshman at Mills High School, interrupted the March 10th board meeting to give a moving statement. “I know that I am interrupting you all from approving several Hillsdale High School students to go to their band Disneyland trips, but frankly, no one cares about that. I am here to talk about a crucial safety concern that you need to take care of ASAP,” Pesley said during the meeting, “When I was a ninth grader back then, I was young, innocent, and spared from knowing how cruel humans can be. This all changed one day during PE. I was dribbling my basketball, trying to shoot, you know, just minding my own business when one of my classmates stomped up to me and accused me of stealing her boyfriend. I forgot what her name was, but I like to think of her as Toenail. Toenail was screaming, ‘how dare you, you know I am his sweetheart, I will make you regret all this’ blah blah blah blah blah. Of course, I never had a boyfriend and was pretty sure she made a mistake. Well, good for his boyfriend, I thought then. She was obviously of very poor character and it did not shock me one bit that his boyfriend left him. I was about to tell Toenail that she got the wrong person, when she threw her ball at me and knocked eight of my teeths out. Eight. And I had to stay in the hospital for about one month.
“Later, when I look back, I think about whose fault this is. Clearly this was mostly that stupid Toenail, but my school was clearly responsible. I mean, what were people thinking, giving out potential lethal weapons to a bunch of teenagers. Now that my own child is entering high school, I am not going to let this happen to him. These kids, they all have futures, dreams, wishes. These can all vanish because of a poorly aimed shot that causes a lasting injury. Therefore, I beg the school board to seriously consider banning all balls from every school campus. Thank you.”
The speech soon became viral on social media and was reported by the New York Times, Wall Street Journal (“The Push Against Balls in Schools: Will Sport Retailer Stocks Go Down?”), and even The Nikkei, a popular business newspaper in Japan. When The Thunderbolt asked one reader in Japan about the issue, he replied, “I really don’t care.”
The Mills administration soon issued a notice announcing that all sports would be banned in PE and organized sports, effective immediately: “After evaluating several alternative equipment, such as balloons, pillows, and sponge cakes, we have determined that stuffed animals will best ensure the safety of our athletes while not compromising on the fun.”
The notice also contains a list of all types of ball that will be banned, raising many questions on what should be on the list. The Association For Classifying Tennis Balls As Non-Lethal Equipment, a student-led organization consisting of numerous Mills tennis fans, posted a statement on its website. The AFCTBANLE argued that tennis balls should be allowed as “tennis balls can not be used to injure a person significantly. At worst, tennis balls can only knock two of a person’s teeth.” The Mills administration later released a response, arguing that “with a strategic throw, tennis balls can in fact knock out eight teeth.” Charles Crawford, the president of AFCTBANLE, told The Thunderbolt, “This is entirely ridiculous. Tennis balls can not knock out eight teeth. We have decided to sue Mills in order to revert this unjust decision. The AFCTBANLE have already contacted quite a few white-shoe law firms to represent us. We have a feeling that this case will end up in the Supreme Court and will be as monumental as Citizens United.”
One common criticism of the measure is how sudden the change is, without any prior alerts. Because of the “effective immediately” clause, coaches were forced to hastily find stuffies for the baseball game that was on the same day of the announcement. Unfortunately, the best that they could find in the short amount of time was a throw pillow with the face of Leonardo DiCaprio embroidered on it. A student watching the event told us, “It’s quite bizarre seeing Leonardo DiCaprio flying around.”
Except for a few, most people The Thunderbolt talked to lauded the new rule. Many school districts around the country, including Boston, New York, and Seattle, have already committed to similar transitions. Meanwhile, here at Millbrae, Anna Pesley is already content with what she did. “When my kid comes home from school, I now know that he will be safe and sound,” she said and smiled, showing eight golden teeth.
