By Anjuli Niyogi, Editor-in-Chief
It’s been over a year since the first COVID-19 case struck the United States, and through it all, almost everyone in the world has experienced loss. It might be those simple things that you’ve lost, like a concert to look forward to, a sports game, or a hobby you can no longer do safely. It may be a lost job, a sense of normalcy, or a way or life. Or it may even be that you’ve lost a loved one, and with that, the inability to hold those normal rituals – funerals and community gatherings – that allow families and friends to grieve together.
Sure enough, for many Mills students and high schoolers across the country, we’ve lost those traditional events that so many of us look forward to: graduation, prom, canceled sports, postponed vacations, seeing extended family.
No matter how small or large your loss may seem, know that it matters, and you have every right to be feeling what you’re going through.
As a matter of fact, the pandemic further complicates the grieving process. If you’ve lost a loved one since March of 2020, grieving may have been different than past times you’ve lost someone. Covid has taken away the lives of so many, unexpectedly, and all at once. The normal events that aid with the process of grief, like seeing other family members or friends to talk to, are sometimes made impossible and unsafe. If you weren’t seeing this loved during the pandemic, it may even feel as if the person is just as emotionally present as they were before, even as they are now physically absent.
If you’re experiencing loss in any shape or form, know that it’s both a universal experience and something that everyone deals with in their own unique way. Dealing with one loss in your life may be completely different than how you deal with another. Some may find it difficult to sleep, to concentrate, to eat. Processing what happens comes in all different forms and in all different paces. But being with your grief and allowing yourself to feel it is necessary. It’ll be uncomfortable and messy but by connecting with the grief and embracing it, you open yourself up to healing from this loss.
And over time, grief will resolve this loss, in different ways, little by little, every day. You may not notice it happening but over time, you will begin to heal and shift to a new way of life.
Grief can also be an opening to a new sense of identity without this person or loss. It can be a chance to foster a new sense of self and even higher-awareness of your life, knowing that you’ve experienced what it’s like to lose some part of it.
Tending to grief is also a lifelong journey. Grief comes in waves; at first, you might be struggling to stay above water, but it’ll become easier and almost feel like you’re floating. And maybe all at once, a wave will hit you expectedly and force you underwater for a few seconds. When that happens, embrace the grief and let it flow over you. By this, you integrate the loss into your life, identifying with the emotion and allowing yourself to go through your daily routine with the feelings that come with it, rather than letting them overwhelm and take over your life.
A grieving person also needs the ability to talk to others about their loss. Sharing grief brings people together, and it’s with collective mourning that people are able to find a breath of fresh air during their process. It’s a natural and normal one, meaning it doesn’t require therapy or medication to get through, but the ability to express your emotions. If you don’t want to talk to someone you can still journal about it, type in your notes app, talk to your voice memos, or even bring yourself back to a hobby you love doing.
And after all this, if you find yourself incredibly wrapped up in your loss years after it began, it may be time to reach out for extra help. This may be the case if your loved one was stripped away unexpectedly and without any preparation beforehand. If you are looking for someone to talk to about your grief or loss, reach out to one of the following.
SAMHSA’s National Helpline, 1-800-662-HELP (4357), is a confidential, free, 24-hour-a-day, 365-day-a-year, information service, in English and Spanish, for individuals and family members facing mental and/or substance use disorders. This service provides referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community-based organizations. Callers can also order free publications and other information.
Visit www.griefshare.org to find a support group near you. Majority of the meetings in the bay area are being held online and on a weekly basis.
San Mateo County Health Grief Support: Visit www.smchealth.org/post/kara-grief-support or call 650-321-5272 for more information on grief support near you.
Photo Credits: Anjuli Niyogi, Thunderbolt Staff
