By: Tianyou Lee, Staff Writer
The date was March 9, 2025. Odio Aspersorio (8) was having another typical day in their AP Latin class, on the verge of falling asleep to the droning voice of Mr. Ignis. But then, something gave them a much needed wake-up call: trickles of cold water down their face and back. Looking around their classroom, Aspersorio was met with the sight of cascades of water flooding the room and drenching their classmates. Across the speaker system, a monotone voice spoke: “May I have your attention please. 🗣️🗣️ May I have your attention please. 🗣️🗣️ There has been a fire emergency 🔥🔥 reported 🚨 in the building 🏫.” (Emojis have been added for emphasis.)
The new addition to the fire detection system was working as planned: a sprinkler system was installed across Mills to go off in the entire school once smoke or heat was detected. But students like Aspersorio are unhappy about the change.
“Non laetus eram de notis meis imber datus,” they said. While The Thunderbolt was unable to determine the exact translation for this quote, Aspersorio was sporting an exasperated expression and waving around soggy papers while speaking.
The new sprinkler system was announced on March 1 in a school-wide email, explaining that it would be the latest piece of cutting-edge technology to add to the recent updates of the previously decades-old fire alarm system. “We believe that this change will help us more adequately address threats of fire on campus,” the email read. “Also, we really wanted to contribute to California’s drought crisis.”
Since the sprinkler system was fully installed by March 7, however, the frequent triggerings of the fire alarms have restarted. As of March 26, the alarms have gone off 38 times total, an average of approximately 2.7142857143 instances per school day. Per a previous Thunderbolt investigation, the prevalence of the alarm triggerings is due to the increased sensitivity of the sensors, which get set off by substances like the vapour from vapes and probably your own breath if you breathe too hard around them.
While the sprinkler triggerings have cemented themselves as a new canon event in the Mills school day along with the standard 30-minute evacuations, students are finding ways to adapt despite the challenges, evolving like animals in a Darwinian struggle for survival.
Ronan Gensel (10) first found the sprinklers as “pretty annoying,” especially in regards to certain classes. “I can’t even count the amount of times that the Bunsen burners in my Biotech class have been extinguished mid-experiment.”
But Gensel has found a way to make the best of the situation. “As a water conservationist and someone who is deeply committed to the environment, it’s kind of been a blessing in disguise. I’ve actually stopped showering at home altogether,” he says. “In fact, I think I’m starting to develop what’s probably a Pavlovian response. When I hear the fire alarm, I get this weird instinctive urge to start brushing my teeth!”
Meanwhile, the choir class has found one way to have fun with the new sprinklers. Ann Zhou (11), a member of choir, recalls one time where their class broke out into a very fitting number for the occasion. “Half of choir is like, in Mamma Mia right now. They’re literally theater kids,” they explain. “So you know what we all do? We share a look with each other and start belting ‘Singing in the Rain.’”
What may be a little harder to adapt to, though, are the exorbitant costs incurred from the new sprinklers. Paying for the thousands of liters of water from the sprinkler triggerings — not to mention reimbursing the damaged textbooks, electronics, and Bunsen burners — has put admin in a tricky situation, or more fittingly, in hot water. Estimates from a Thunderbolt reporter who’s definitely not failing Algebra 1 place the total costs at around a million zillion dollars for the school. Guess Mills won’t be paying for better wifi anytime soon!
