By Annabel Sun, Staff Writer
You buy flowers for your date, Valentine’s Grams for your friends, and chocolate (on sale!) for yourself. That’s how Valentine’s Day works. That’s all there is to keeping your relationships together, right?
Maybe not. Or at least, not according to Mills teachers, Ms. Price and Mr. Wang. Ms. Price, who teaches AP Literature and English 4, and Mr. Wang, who teaches both freshman Biology and AP Biology shared their advice on relationships surrounding family, friends, and romances. Here’s some of the advice that they had to give:
1. Spend time talking with your loved ones.
“Communicating… that’s a way to start relationships about anything,” says Ms. Price. Mr. Wang has similar advice, though it’s applied to maintaining relationships instead: “What it comes down to learning how to communicate, and learning to listen.” Communication is important to having love, whether it’s for your friends, your family, or your romantic partner. Other people don’t automatically know what you’re thinking or what you care about, and so it takes a lot of talking – even if it’s awkward! – to figure it out. It also helps to just build bonds. As Mr. Wang says, “a lot of it comes down to showing gratitude and admiration…. like, if parents thank their kids and say they’re proud of them, and if kids saw what parents do for them and affirm that love, that’s going to build a lot of trust.”
2. If you want to be a friend, you have to show what being a friend is.
It’s like the golden rule – treat others the way you want to be treated. “You have to show somebody love to get the love. You have to start trust somewhere, to show that you can be trustworthy,” Ms. Price says. Friendship is all about being able to connect with each other, and it’s impossible to do that if you don’t open up a bit. Mr. Wang agrees: “There’s a deeper level [to friendship], that involves people really being open with each other. And those are the ones where you’re like, I can go to these people about anything and they won’t judge me. They’ll accept me for who I am.”
“Sometimes it’s not so easy,” Ms. Price adds. “You have to be honest, but there’s a fear of being honest. But the least you could do is be it yourself, and show that as an example.”
3. In an age where people connect online, make the effort to connect with people in person.
Social media is a staple in relationships these days – whether it’s your best friend since kindergarten or someone you met two days ago, you’re probably keeping up with them on Instagram or Snapchat. However, just because you’re popular on social media doesn’t mean you’ve got thousands of friends. “With social media and stuff, you’ve got people who will interact with you online… but they don’t actually really know you. Some people even make the mistake of false intimacy, where they’ll pour their heart out for anyone will see, and the moment someone responds they’ll think there’s a connection. It’s not really a connection; we need face-to-face time,” Mr. Wang explains. His advice is to re-evaluate your relationships and think about your trust in people. “Recognize the people that you can trust to be there for you, and don’t let the number of followers or likes that you get give you false friendship. If you really value connection with friendship, take it offline.”
4. Try to understand what your parents and families are thinking.
No matter what your relationship is with your family, it’s certainly a different dynamic than what you have with your friends or romantic partners. And it takes a bit more work to understand. “I remember when I was fighting a lot,” Mr. Wang says. “It’s hard for [parents], to see you leave the nest. There’s a conflict of perspective: kids are looking at the short-term, and parents think long-term.”
So how do you love your parents? “We would talk about what we love about each other,” Ms. Price says. The best way to sustain a relationship is to talk with your family, and come to an understanding. “What it really comes down to is learning to communicate, and learning to listen,” Mr. Wang advises. “And not letting the old habits of how you’ve communicated – or not communicated – and old habits of how you fought.. make you mad. Growing up and maturing means that you can stop, check your emotions, try to put yourself into other person’s shoes, and then try to mediate.”
5. Romantic relationships are as much about what you bring as what you get from it.
Romance. “Whether you’re in high school or you’re in your 30’s, everyone wants that feeling,” Mr. Wang expresses. “The question is, are you read to be in a relationship that experiences and nurtures that in an emotionally healthy way? And that’s the hardest part.”
In high school, people are usually forming their first relationship with others, and it’s hard to know what to do, or even how to date. However, maybe it’s better not to rush into it. Mr. Wang advises, “[You should] have a good sense of self before you go into a relationship. Both people should know their value as a person, have confidence in that, and bring that to a relationship. You gotta do your own work to figure your problems out, so that you can bring a fuller version of yourself to the table. And those are the relationships that really really thrive.”
6. Have fun outside of relationships by doing things that you love.
“I don’t want people to feel sad that they don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend. And that bothers me… I just don’t see that way. Maybe one day you will. So now you’re gonna be upset? And not have a good time? You have to live for the moment. And have fun,” declares Ms. Price. Relationships are great, but they’re not everything. Just because it’s Valentine’s Day (or really, any time of the year) doesn’t mean that you need to be in a relationship. Instead, spend some time loving yourself. “When I’m not [in a relationship].. I start doing things I love. I’ll start spending time reading things I love, or making a painting myself. Going out for dinner, even alone – I don’t care!” Ms. Price concludes.
7. One last comment from Ms. Price: “Personally, I like chocolate and roses.”
Photo Credits: love aesthetic, Tumblr
