By: Julia Xia, Staff Writer
As Valentine’s Day approaches, people begin to focus on their romantic relationships; what gifts to buy their partner, how to make them happier, and so on. In general, people would say that, in their life, romantic love is the most important love of them all; which makes sense since those people you’re in a relationship with are the ones who you live with, grow with, and make a family with. However, as special as having a day dedicated to love is, it should also serve as a reminder to people that there are, in fact, many different types of love beyond the romantic feelings you might have for another person.
In order to help us understand “love” in a broader sense, it is helpful to turn to the Ancient Greeks. They did not simply talk about “love” as a unified concept, but created distinct categories of love which they called: Eros, Philla, Storge, and Agape. For the Greeks, Eros meant romantic love, Philla represented platonic love, Storge, parental love, and Agape, love for mankind. They argued that for a person to feel truly happy, they ideally should have all four types of love in their life. However, on Valentine’s Day, we really hear the most about two types: Eros and Philla.
Philla and Storge love often comes second, after Eros. This is the kind of love you have for your friends, classmates, family, and pets. While Valentine’s Day doesn’t focus on these types of love, it’s still very important to appreciate them. Creating platonic (non-romantic) bonds with the people around you can have a huge impact on you emotionally, physically, and socially; it teaches you to care for and treat another person. In addition, platonic relationships, such as a friendship, offer you a support system that helps lessen depression and anxiety.
When a romantic relationship is brand new, it’s understandable to want to spend all your time with them and learn everything you can about them. This phase is called the ‘honeymoon’ phase, where the only thing on their mind is their partner and it’s very easy to get wrapped up in it. During this phase it makes it easier to black out any potential problems in the relationship and this rush of feelings can be mistaken for love when in reality it’s only just the thrill of a new relationship.
When this happens, it can result in someone choosing to prioritize their romantic relationship over their platonic ones, and sometimes end up abandoning their friends altogether. This can strain the relationships they have with their friends, sometimes to the point of no return. To stop this from happening it’s important to remember that your friends are just as important as your partner and for a relationship to work you have to make time for both.
In everyone’s life it is important to find a way to balance these two relationships since they are the most important relationships in your life. Prioritizing one over the other will only cause problems along the way. Yet even though this is true, it is sometimes hard to put into practice. While it can be hard to figure it out at first, there are many ways to maintain a relationship when you already have plans. For example, make sure you don’t force your platonic friends and your romantic partner to hang out with each other since not everyone is going to click; and even when they do, your partner isn’t always going to want to spend time with you and your friends. Don’t cancel plans with a platonic friend in order to spend time with your partner. This is going to hurt your friends’ feelings, and you very well might end up pushing them away. More than anything, you have to always remember that love is not a zero-sum game. You don’t have to give up one in order to have another; rather, open yourself up to the possibility that you can have many different kinds of love in your life. If you do, you will be much happier in the end.
