By Karine Chan, Editor-In-Chief
“Love -agape- is patient and kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. Love never ends.” (1 Cor. 13:4-8a)
With love being one of the most complex subjects, it is oftentimes hard for human beings to express it. Outlined in Dr. Gary Chapman’s book titled “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate,” Chapman sparked the new way of thinking about love. The premise is quite simple actually: different people with different personalities all express love in different ways, hence the reason why there are five love languages.
The first love language is words of affirmation. This includes spoken and written words used in a positive manner to uplift and support others. These cues help to express your love and admiration towards said person while confirming your inner love in an outer way. To nurture this, be sure to stay authentic with what you are saying, be empathetic, and show appreciation for your partner. People whose love language is words of affirmation often need to feel and hear that they are loved frequently. While not always the case, many who find their love language to be affirmation also struggle with self love, which fuels the desire to hear that they are loved often.
People who fall under quality time center their love around togetherness. This language focuses on showing your significant other your love through undivided attention. By spending time with your person, it helps you to feel closer to one another. While you are spending time together, it is important to prioritize eye contact, minimize distractions, and show interest in the topic at hand. If you find yourself constantly desiring to be with someone, chances are this is your dominant love language.
Filling your partners gas tank, watering their plants, or cooking them a meal are all examples of acts of service. This language can be best described as doing something for your partner that you know they would like. When giving acts of service, you are essentially giving up your time. People will often ask for errands and favors, not as a cop out, but because this affirms their partners love for them. Some things you could do for someone whose love language is acts of service is to show it (rather than telling them), put 100% into each effort, take notes of their favorite acts, and embrace spontaneity.
The fourth love language—physical touch—entails that you prefer physical expressions of love over all others. It refers to expressing and receiving affection through touch, physical closeness, and other forms of physical connection. Kissing, hugging, and holding hands are all examples of this. Having touch as a love language means that the smallest of gestures from your s/o such as a gentle nudge of reassurance help to confirm their love much more than something like gifts. There is a psychological reason behind this, as touch triggers the release of certain hormones associated with pleasure and bonding.
The last of the love languages is gifts, meaning you feel most loved when given a tangible item. Whether this gift is a small trinket or an expensive piece of jewelry is inconsequential. Some simple ways to express your love through gifts are bringing your significant other flowers, buying them an item they’ve been desiring, or making a mixtape with songs you associate with them. Now this is not to say the way to someone’s heart is through your wallet, as gifts may start to become more emotional and symbolic of the love each person carries for the other. A more appropriate and equally as cliche saying would be it’s the thought that counts, as people whose love language is gifts often feel validation when you spend the time to pick out something for them.
Some people may have just one love language, while it is also very common to have a mix of a few or even all five. In a study conducted by Hinge, they found that the most common love language among women and men is quality time. This was found to be so popular that it doubled in votes over the second most common, words of admiration. Men had a split vote for second place between physical touch and admiration vs women who had admiration as the second most common by far. It has been suggested that where you reside may play a part in this as well. When you live somewhere with an endless stream of things to do, it’s nice to have someone who wants to do it with you.
While your partner may want you to partake on adventures with them, you may wish to receive a heartfelt handwritten note from them. This is perfectly normal as many couples have different love languages. It is also a common occurrence to put out different love languages than you take in. I could back this statement up with my personal experience—I am not a fan of receiving gifts, but thoroughly enjoy giving them.
Whether you and your partner speak the same love language or not, it is always important to remember the key to any functioning, happy, and healthy relationship is communication. If you want flowers from your significant other, ask; if you want to spend more time with them, ask; if you simply just want a hug, ask. If you’re not sure what your love language is though, taking this short quiz can help you figure it out, and you’ll have results in a few minutes!
