By: Karine Chan
High school relationships could take many possible turns—one day, you could be dancing on clouds, and the next day, you could be swimming in your sorrows. This is inevitable, as students are young and cannot fully comprehend what love is. As teenagers, this is our time to experiment, and there are many factors that could potentially influence the direction young love heads. One factor that may raise many questions is the age gap between partners. Do age gaps produce different outcomes in high school relationships? What are the positives and the negatives of intergrade relationships?
Dating someone older or younger differs greatly from dating someone the same age. There are many positives that can be drawn from intergrade relationships—for example, if the older partner has their license, and the younger partner has not yet obtained one, they can receive rides from their partner. Older partners can also help younger partners with academics, as they may have already been through the classes before.
Perhaps the biggest positive of age gaps in high school relationships is that the two partners are in different grades, leading to different experiences throughout each day. After school has ended or at night, that leaves room for many interesting stories to share and for deeper conversations and discussions to blossom. The older partner can also provide their younger significant other with advice. They have more life experience, so it may be in the younger person’s interest to learn from their partner.
Despite the many benefits that can be reaped from intergrade relationships, there are also many negatives. For example, due to being in different grades and having different classes, there is a high chance that the two partners would not interact much throughout the day. Differences in age and life experience could lead to miscommunication between partners. It is also important to consider different graduation dates between the two partners before exploring intergrade relationships. Both partners may feel worried or saddened as the graduation of the older partner approaches. Neither partner knows where or how far away the older person will attend college, which could put a strain on the relationship.
Partners in intergrade relationships also experience a great amount of pressure and judgement from those around them. Romantic couples with an age gap—especially in high school relationships—may raise eyebrows. Aspects such as maturity levels, perspectives around school, and priorities are constantly called into question. Parents may disapprove of the age gap in the relationship. Other students at school may constantly judge the relationship—for example, if a boy is dating a younger girl, people may label him as a pedophile, although that might not be the case. The younger girl may be mocked as a “gold digger” or a “cougar”. The pressures of a relationship and the judgement of others could be stressful for both partners.
Madison Wong (10) and Jacky Au Yeung (12) are a high school couple at Mills who have a two year age gap. During an interview, they expressed many of the same concerns and have been through many of the same positives and negatives listed above. The two shared their story and their experience in being an intergrade relationship at Mills.
Madison first met Jacky during her freshman year of cross country. The two began as friends, but their relationship slowly became something more. At first, Madison and Jacky were hesitant to begin dating. “[It was] because of the age difference. We were nervous about what people would say to Jacky,” elaborated Madison. Though they felt that getting past the initial fright was difficult, they were glad that they did.
While Jacky expresses no concerns for the future of their relationship, Madison mentioned several. She explained that she felt nervous she might feel pressured to attend the same college as Jacky. Madison also mentioned that since they spend almost every day together, it may be difficult to adjust to life once Jacky leaves for college. However, the pair are willing to put effort in maintaining a long-distance relationship.
There are both positives and negatives to become involved in intergrade relationships. If it is something you are open to exploring, it is necessary to be aware of both the risks and the awards of an age gap in high school relationships. Who knows? Maybe your partner will end up being your forever love. Ultimately, it is important to remember this: listen to what you feel, not what others have to say.
