By: Katelyn Chang, Staff Writer
February: the month of love. This month comes along as a celebration of not just platonic and familial love, but also romantic relationships. February 14th, or more commonly known as Valentine’s day, paves the way for dozens of Instagram posts and stories celebrating successful relationships. But, from a single’s perspective, the day isn’t as joyful, as it’s a dreadful day that’s dedicated to showing and flaunting something that you simply don’t have.
The term ‘singlism’, coined by Psychologist Dr. Bella DePaulo, refers to the stereotyping, stigmatizing, and discrimination against those who are single. But, before approaching what exactly singlism is or the harms of it, it’s important to note that although singles face hardships, it is in no way comparable to the outright discrimination that marginilized groups still face today. With that being said though, society’s laws and rules (in the United States at the least) can mean less financial devastation for those who aren’t single. Because of laws and policies that favor married peoples such as more social security benefits, singles often don’t see the same benefits. In a case study of this, a September 2018 U.K report’s findings revealed that those who were single ended up paying a penalty of almost $2,600 dollars a year compared to their married counterparts. But the financial burden didn’t seem to end there; DePaulo found in a study between identical twins that the married twin received a 26% higher salary. Moreover, by the time singles reach the age of 65, as a 2016 Social Security Administration report finds, they are more likely to be in poverty than other groups. These are all instances of how singles are penalized within society and face unfair hardships. And within the U.S, without having enough financial resources, it pushes those who lack it into deeper financial ruin, leading to more extensive consequences. In the case of health insurance, not being able to afford better health care because of budgetary reasons can become a choice between life and death. These are the real factors that pressure singles to choose to be in a relationship despite their possible unwillingness to.
But, discrimination against singles doesn’t stop there. Within society, singles end up facing unwanted and harmful stereotypes pushed onto them by others. Biases are often present and frame an image that those who are single are miserable, lonely, and live unhappy lives, leading to books titled How Not to Stay Single: 10 Steps to a Great Relationship and Work Out, Lose Weight, and Stop Being Single to be published. What these stereotypes continue to ignore however, is the fact that some people might not be ready for a relationship or simply choose not to be in one in the first place.
There isn’t anything inherently wrong with choosing to be single. In fact, it is the better choice rather than forcing unrequited feelings onto yourself to give one a semblance of security. On a personal level, in the 7th grade, I felt pressured to be in a relationship because of the amount of kids in my grade that were either in one, or had experienced one before. But, the fact is that I wasn’t ready for one. I wasn’t particularly looking for one, or interested for my own personal wellbeing, rather I wanted one to fit in. What this led to was a failed relationship that only lasted a pitiful seven days. Rather than gaining happiness and elation, it only ended up hurting both parties. Going into a relationship halfheartedly without genuine interest or feelings never ends well.
Even if being in a relationship, especially when younger, is considered “cool”, it’s important to recognize the things you gain by taking time and learning who you are on your own. Although a relationship can provide companionship, I’m a firm believer of the philosophy, ‘You can’t love someone until you learn to love yourself’. Taking time to discover what you want, love, and care for shouldn’t be looked down upon. Rather, it should be advocated for. Self-growth is a necessary part of growing as an adolescent. While a relationship can bring happiness and elation, it can also make you feel trapped. Because in a relationship, it’s not just your feelings that you have to take into consideration. And while harmful literature that shames singles can be published, so can uplifting and motivational self-love books embracing single-hood. The Unexpected Joy of Being Single highlights the freedom that you gain from being able to be on your own. Author Catherine Gray revels and raves about her time as a single and being able to discover more about what she truly loves as well as what she is looking for and wanting in a partner.
To me, prioritizing your own happiness outweighs conforming to society’s expectations of not being single every time. Wanting to be happy alone shouldn’t come with harmful stereotypes or the increased pressure to prove them wrong. Choosing to not be in a relationship, or working on personal growth alone, should be a choice that doesn’t come with any consequences. Because while singlism might still exist, it’s important to remember that frankly, it’s okay to be single.
