By: Noah Ung, Staff Writer

In a surprising career twist that has left Mills High students both amused and confused, longtime English teacher Anthony Pretto has decided to hang up his lesson plans and take up an axe — officially retiring from teaching to become a lumberjack in the forest.

When asked what inspired this dramatic shift, Pretto bluntly  answered: “I think squirrels are better mannered than my ninth graders.” After a thoughtful pause, he added, “Actually, I think the squirrels are better mannered than most students. The squirrels — and other woodland creatures.”

Pretto’s new career path has been confusing to some, but when asked about what inspires him in his new profession, he answered. “There’s a great sense of accomplishment when you cut down a tree that’s grown for thousands of years,” he said. “To hear it crash down on the forest floor and know it’s going to be used to create wood products like particle board, plywood, sawdust… maybe even wood chips that’ll end up in your hamster’s cage — that’s rewarding.”

The transition from classroom to forest, of course, hasn’t been without its challenges. “The commute is much longer,” Pretto admitted. “I have to drive all the way up to the mountains now. But at least there’s no traffic — unless you count the occasional deer crossing.”

Despite the shift from grading papers to chopping trees, Pretto’s Skills seem to have had no problem applying his snarky personality and sarcastic genius to his new profession, and he has had no problem making new friends. “Yeah, there’s a small cadre of animals that follow me around the forest floor,” he revealed. “There’s a rabbit and a young deer. Also, a bobcat — but sometimes he scratches at me when I try to give him pets.”

At the time of writing this article, Pretto was reportedly spotted in the woods with his axe over his shoulder, bobcat at his heels, and a well-loved copy of Where the Wild Things Are sticking out of his back pocket.